10 THINGS WRONG WITH HUMANITY
1) Donald Trump
Freedom gone too far. Even your symbolic freedom-eagle tried to snuff him out. Great job America! This racist, misogynistic and downright obnoxious nutter seems to want to take us back to 1933 with his Hitler era inspired views. Let’s make the bloke who said he would date his own daughter if she wasn’t his daughter (lest we forget) the president of the USA. -10/10 would agree. I would go so far as to say I’d fancy Kanye’s chances at making a better leader. Desperation has clearly reached peak levels. You have to feel kind of sorry for the deranged specimen, I would go a bit mad too if my hair looked like that. Speaking of which…
2) Donald Trump’s hair
Whilst this isn’t necessarily a failure of humanity itself, its mere existence makes me feel like this one deserves its own category. He seems to fall into the category of men who think they are getting away with the wispy comb-over, which is, in essence, an extremely poor attempt to mask that ever-receding hairline (I’m sure nobody noticed). I pity the poor guinea pig who died only to live atop of the head of this Neanderthal.
'Standards' - By Chloe Heffernan.
Find other work by Chloe at https://www.facebook.com/freelancedoeillustrates/
Prints available to purchase at http://www.redbubble.com/people/freelancedoe
3) Katie Hopkins
Like a rash that will never go away this woman will not stop flaring up on your twitter newsfeed, having created another controversial, drama-inducing debate that nobody actually cares about. Let’s just hand her over to NASA and send her to live with the poor old man on the moon from the John Lewis advert. And take Donald Trump (with his sorry excuse for hair) along too.
4) Black Friday
The one day of the year that you can rush before everyone else to buy gadgets you would never normally buy at a discounted rate. A £900 TV is now £810? Well, I actually already have one… but count me IN! Fighting people you’ve never met over a ‘reduced by £1’ hand fan? Now that’s my idea of a good time. The less than tempting offers just keep rolling in.
5) Segways
For just £300 you can be the lucky no-hoper who rolls around town on a rectangular board with wheels looking like you’ve just rolled straight out of ‘Back To The Future’ with no way of getting back. That is, if they’d want you back. Watch that your house doesn’t burn down, because some are being recalled as safety hazards. 1 return ticket to a sci-fi feature film please!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9G4yiO1Cmv4
6) One Direction
More like No Direction seeing as one of them left, another one is a carbon copy of Mick Jagger and they’re going to cease to exist as a group now that their ‘break’ has officially begun *fans wail in the distance*. They are the epitome of ‘being in the right place at the right time’. Play their music all you please, just turn it down (preferably off) when you’re on the bus. I want nothing less than to suffer brain malfunctions so early in the morning with tinny squeals erupting from cheap earbuds. Sorry directioners.
7) Freddos
You thought we wouldn’t notice the despicable rise in price to 25p. Twenty five pence. For a little chocolate frog that could be swallowed whole in one nano-second if needs must. Twenty. Five. Pence. Of MY hard earned money. Blessed be the days when 10p Freddos were flying off the shelves as everyone’s favourite dairy snack. The change in wrapping saw this chocolate scumbag get a cockier face; he knows he’s ripping you off. I could say a lot more on the matter but it’s too upsetting.
https://browzer.co.uk/glasgow/15-things-only-90s-kids-will-remember_10989
8) Scene kids
You probably know one. You might even be one. If you were one, you lowkey still are one – it never really leaves you. Band shirts, eyeliner thicker than the layer of hairspray used to keep that massive sweep of hair in its windswept place, a love for all things checkered and wristbands up to both elbows. *Cringe* You still wear those shirts sometimes though. Don’t lie.
9) Buzzfeed Quizzes
As much as I love knowing which Spice Girl I most relate to, these things are quite possibly the bane of a productive existence in itself. Coursework deadlines looming? Homework due in tomorrow? Try one of these little quizzes and reveal the type of pizza you are while the hours fly far away along with all of your future aspirations. (I would be pepperoni, in case you were interested).
http://thoughtcatalog.com/rob-gunther/2014/03/if-you-were-a-buzzfeed-quiz-which-quiz-would-you-be-take-this-buzzfeed-quiz-to-find-out/
10) Tumblr
Last but by no means least is the site in which twelve year olds are ‘omG dyING’ from laughter, profanities and innuendos are littered absolutely everywhere, and where the stories told have an approximate 0% chance of actually having happened. What is punctuation? Basic grammar? If you want to find the answers to these questions, go somewhere else. There are so many features to the social media hotspot… well, apparently. I’ve yet to see, as the damned site is always down. It is pretty much a place where hipsters congregate and everyone is offended by everything. Despite all of this, the site still has an estimated 30-50 million active users. Each to their own I guess.
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